TeeWai

At 12, I discovered my love for dance. I will dance till my feet hurt on slow and fast songs alike. As I grew older, I found art and I felt like it found me too. I started to see people and places through the eyes of art. Now much older and able to travel on my own, I realise how tiring road trips could be, yet I love them so! I made a decision to tour many countries in the world someday and I was determined to work hard to afford this. At 21, I met the love of who completed me, understood me, shared my passion for life and by the next year we said I do before loved ones. It was the best day of my life. At 23, I had my own baby, a girl, she is everything and more. Like every child, she was demanding of my time, attention and love. I struggled with the balance, my work, marriage, parenting and living. Between all of this, I lost myself, my dreams, passion and I feel entrapped as much as I try to ignore it. I need help! This fictional story is the reality of many men and women toda...

I often appear patient on the surface. Deep down, I sometimes feel like the most impatient person on earth. Recently, I had a reason to take my ward for a surgical procedure. We were scheduled for 11am and prepared to get it over with in no time. Upon arrival at about that time, we saw several people waiting to have similar procedures and scheduled for the same time as we were. So the wait began, I counted minutes and then hours. 12, 1, 2, 3…4. I was screaming on my inside from restlessness, yet seated in the same chair hour after hour, afraid to step out and miss our slot. Finally, it was one person to go before us, yet I found it the longest wait. Reminding myself time and time again, ‘you are next’. Each minute thereafter felt like hours so it got me thinking, why is waiting hardest when the leap forward is closest?? - The wait for a positive pregnancy test result - The job wait - The celibacy wait - The marital wait - That call that will change everything The list is e...

This is my first open letter to you. I want to start by saying I am as guilty. When you read, you will know what I mean. Let’s go back to the basics before the doctrines, the rules, the biases, the judgement that has beclouded the truth in its raw state. God’s word didn’t change because the times changed. There is a reason He is the same yesterday, today and forever. Stop making it look like God changed. Maybe we changed and somehow want to justify it by the times. Dear Church, we are losing the battle, because we have forgotten we are at war (supernatural warfare). We bother ourselves with frivolities that don’t affect God in the real sense. We tear each other down and cannot even agree on the core things like the cross, salvation and eternity. What has tribe, race and denomination got to do with the love of Christ? Why are we encumbered with thoughts about whose Church is better? Why does it now bother us who sings with who? Why do we rejoice when our brethren backslide (does...

Coming soon... Chip Off The Old Block is a suspense-filled compilation of short stories by my dad and I. It explores the intricate details of true-to-life characters; Ajama’s deceptive look and dreamy nature are his greatest assets. Can the means at his disposal guarantee the end he desperately desires? The enraged Apati seeks revenge at the expense of everything he holds dear. Between his passion and pain, family and fear, he undertakes mission impossible and embraces the consequence. Michelle hoped for the best. Daring and endearing, lovely and amusing; her dreams and ideas hold true in a world that seem set on the opposite. Surviving the odds, courage is inevitable. "Look before you leap". What if your leap would save the day? Mr Gaze exudes confidence, character and candor. Mastering his art was easy, playing the game was fun till love got in the way. What do you do when the need that stares you in the face also scar...

He was a dark skinned chubby man. I had planned to pass by the day we first met, he beckoned with a pleasant smile and offered me an unbelievable discount and an assurance I will be back. He was right, from that day he became my eleran aka meatman. This remained the case for another 3 years thereafter. He will send meat to me through my wards without taking money and leave me with the responsibility of coming to him to settle the bill at my convenience. He was proactive, invested in his trade and had a loud mouth. He always had gist. He will offer me a sit when I was heavily pregnant knowing he was going to make me bargain for a long time. The irony was how he always convinced me to buy more than I needed. One day as I headed home from work, I couldn’t find him, I asked around and was told he was very ill. I called him and he assured me it was an ailment he could take care of in his village. He resurfaced months after, he didn’t seem much like himself anymore. I pleaded with him t...

They told me I could sing the house down; then I sang. They said if I read up some more I will be the next big thing; then I read. They said if only I had more panache; I mastered it. They said if I were taller, fairer, darker, thicker etc. They thought they could define, restrain and conform me to their limited minds.…they lost me there. Amidst who they made me to be, I couldn’t find who I set out to be. I wanted to dance till my feet hurt, I wanted to sing and then I didn’t want to anymore. I wanted to build castles and I was ready to work to learn how to. I wanted to light up a room when I walked in and slide in through the back on other days. I wanted to speak before Kings and have them take notes, I wanted to curl up on my bed and read myself to sleep too. I wanted to find faith and walk in it, I wanted to fail on my own terms and find faith again. Here I was, sitting, counting the opportunities I missed and the ones I shouldn’t have. Living backwards, defeated b...

On my mind today are the things we cover, the things we protect, the things we defend. They could be habits; those habits we cannot allow ourselves admit we have and the good clothes and poise hide on the outside. They could be abuse, emotionally, verbally or physically. They could be symptoms that can graduate into sicknesses or diseases. They could be mental imbalances that require professional support to manage and you consistently tell yourself is unreal and convince yourself you are thinking it up. My God! We hide too much in Nigeria. Its like one is sworn to some form of secrecy from childhood that makes you silent when a trusted uncle fondles your private part, the kind of silence that makes you a slave to your habits yet no one must know you even imagined the habit to start with. The kind of silence that makes people move from mood swings to full blown depression and they cannot help themselves. The kind of silence that makes a man suicidal because he is wailing inside but s...

Completely exhausted she looks through her itinerary for the next day, dreading sleep as the sound of her alarm in the morning reminds her how little she had to sleep and how another day beckons with its needs, demands, choices, challenges and gifts. She wonders why life seems so fast lately and conversations seem so empty. She looks through her phone, scanning the chit chats, gossip, sensual jokes, political comments and internet feuds. Hissing at the emptiness of it all, postponing her replies to her best friend she drags her duvet over her tired body and curls up in her usual style in an attempt to find sleep. The soft tune of her favourite ring tone, jolts her back to reality as she reaches for the phone and reluctantly picks the call; wondering who will call her at this time with an unfamiliar number. Hello, who is this please? Its Gina a pleasant and familiar voice replies at the other end of the call. Scanning her head, she recalls it’s her childhood friend whose number she ...

Totally glad to have my daddy back from his trip, I sit on his leg eagerly waiting for my goodies. He opens his bag and brings out a pack of my favourite snacks. Excitedly, I grab the gift bag and rush off to my best spot in the house to enjoy my spoils. As I unwrap the first snack, reaching for my first bite mummy rushes towards me and grabs it out of my hands. Unfair! She doesn’t say a word for a while and I wonder what I had done this time as she looks at me anticipating something. My room must be scattered again, I thought to myself. Seeing as I was still silent, she sighs and speaks up, T girl, what do you say to Daddy? Then the realisation hit my small head, here we going again! I had been trying to master this routine to no avail. Trying to stay straight faced, I quickly say, sorry mum. Rushing into daddy’s arms, I scream ‘thank you daddy’. I marvel at how we all teach this and were taught but our reality is farfetched as we grow older. We complain more than we acknowledge t...

I had the privilege to visit an orphanage recently, and the experience was humbling, exciting, emotional and altogether fulfilling. I met such happy and beautiful kids. One child stood out as she touched my humanity in a way I don’t encounter every day. Her name; Miracle. She is a beautiful girl who can neither walk, talk nor hear. I noticed her gently move her shoulder to the music and I wondered if she was hopping excitedly around like the other kids in her mind. She seemed accustomed to sitting on one spot all day. Her eyes spoke a thousand words, as I sensed her acceptance of her reality. While others jumped, hugged, danced and sang, she just watched smiled slightly and mostly had a straight face. I wondered if she was used to everyone reaching out to them and waving at her from a distance. As I moved closer to her, I reached for her cheeks, and she smiled. That smile could light up a room. It brought me to tears. And no, I don’t cry that easily. I sat by her and held her hands ...

ME: God, I have a few things I need to speak to you about. Lately, you just feel so far. Allowing me go through so much on my own. GOD: hmmmmmm ME: My life is crazy, I look in the mirror and all I see are pieces of me, like a tale told by different narrators. I feel torn apart. And you say hmmmmm? GOD: What will you rather I said? ME: That I will be fine! That you will fix me! That I am worth more than I feel! That my life will count…..you feel me? GOD: Feel you? I made you! I have said all those to you already and much more. When last did you take a look at my words to you? My attempt to remind you is silenced by your self-doubt and the falsehood of what you call reality. I foresaw your pain and I made provision in advance. ME: Why is it so hard then? GOD: Well that’s because that’s all you are looking at, so that’s all you can see. ME: easy for you to say, am the one who feels the shame, fear, guilt, hurt and emptiness. You just stay there being almighty and perfect. GOD: I...

I was told to ride on a bicycle, I needed to be guided, yet there was no one to teach me. I was told even the best riders had to fall and be injured many times to perfect the art. Every day I stood before it, walked by it, dragged along on it, picturing myself riding it but too afraid to suspend my feet and dare to truly ride……Plus it wasn’t even my bike! I will sleep off many nights and dream of cycling with friends. Days passed….and one of those days I took the bicycle; today was different, my visit was going to be over by the next two days and I was yet to ride the first bicycle I had close access to. Full of thoughts and mixed feelings, it occurred to me I had just ridden on it for 30 seconds without realising and the moment I realised, the fears came flooding in and then I fell, it was a bad fall with a good lesson. The very next day, I had a choice to never ride again for fear of falling again, or ride till I never fell again…..I chose the latter and I never fell aga...

So I got this idea off a piece I read, I thought it may just be therapeutic. So it got me thinking, if I had a chance to sit before the girl I was, what will I tell her? So I decided to write her this letter... Dear Oluwatoyin, I have many things to tell you. For starters, I am known as TeeWai this days, I bet you didn’t see that one coming. I hope you think it’s cute? Recently, on my bbm (that is a telephone device that connects me to all my valued friends), I asked if they felt you will be proud of the woman I have become, I got a lot of feedback from loved ones. Many people actually affirmed that you will be and they reminded me many reasons why. So I will gist you about a few. Let me first say that half the things you feared never happened. Plus, the society has changed, most things you held dear are now termed 'old school' . Your best dress is laughable this days or at best referred to as 'vintage' . So, back to your fears... you know how you hate ...

There used to be a time when I will get into frantic arguments choosing to see the light at the end of the tunnel, other times I sought and created justification for the mindless corruption that we wallow in. Other times I cry, in my heart at least and pray for change as farfetched as it appears. I have gone past weeping; because I have my realities staring me in the face after I wipe the tears. The pain is not new, it’s just all too familiar and never goes away, that used to unnerve me; these days I am just numb. I read the headlines and ignore the content because it is yet another celebration of corruption or an open show of man’s inhumanity to man. How can optimal electricity, education, health, mean so little and mindless feuds and ambition for more power in the midst of power for a time that you are yet to ascertain you will live to see mean more? How can any one person have the power to make change and choose the cowardice of chasing shadows and running in circles over actua...

The first time I read this phrase was in Joyce Meyer's book several years back, in fact that was what drew my attention to the book. Recently, Betty Irabor's Genevieve magazine cover page brought the words back to mind as the quote from her interview reads 'the trick is to do it afraid'. It got me thinking, and interestingly my thoughts ended up in the labour room. Everything about that day felt different as I had carried my baby to term, for me I could not wait to be relieved of the weight of my huge stomach on my small frame. No book, birth stories, accounts or advices quite captured the 30 minutes in that labour room that day. Somewhere between her head and her shoulders I went blank, I drifted into my past and saw flashes of the things I had feared, my first major exams, responsibilities I had to live up to that no one had prepared me for, the feeling of lack one to many times, first job interview, first love gone wrong, my walk down the aisle, I could go on an...

So much has happened recently and I found myself in a place I have not been in a long time; short of words and almost blank. Time and time again I tried to write out my pain, but I couldn’t find the right words. Then I saw this movie “Letters to God” and then it dawned on me what I could do to feel better. So here is my open letter to my Father, the one who sees the finish from the onset. Dear Pa, It’s crazy around me, and sometimes I wonder how I don’t lose my mind. Yea that must be because of the awesome family you gave me and the way the world looks right through the eyes of my baby. So much tragedy befell my nation and lives, too many have been lost, between the sect who kill for a living, the road accident, the ill-fated plane and the innocent people whose homes were run into by the plane. I can’t stop thinking about the confusion and fear that must have gone on in the plane the last few seconds before the crash, how many were asleep in their homes and they became history in...

I can’t say for certain if she knew what was at stake, if she had taken time to think her action through. all i recall is she smiled and the smile lit up her face. She screamed so loud i could barely hear myself speak and before I could say another word to shut her up or calm her down. She did it, taken aback and a little scared i ran as fast as i could just so I could get a hold of her arms. Could not help noticing the smile did not leave her face, I was shaken up, a little sore in my feet, quite unlike my cute one year old. She was beaming with the spark of victory in her eyes. She had taken a leap from the high bed into mummy's arms and she was oblivious of the fact that mummy nearly missed catching her. But her faith in me was blind to reason, she’s a one year old, what do you expect? Managing to smile back; even though still shaken by the fear that went through my mind. Could not stop wondering in my heart, "what if I had missed her? It got me thinking, my master knew...

Sometimes i find myself staring at an open page for hours, joggling the words in my head and dreading the critical eyes and minds of my readers. So i take my eyes off the page and go about the day's activities, silencing the words as the play out in my head. At the close of the day, i realise i cant fool myself. For I had carried my blank page in my head all day long. So i find that no matter how far from it i go, i keep coming back to my open page. Feels like i was born to do this. So i write, the fears not withstanding. Like an addict, I just can't stay away.

For years I had watched my mum do it. You may be wondering what 'it' is, yea she always took off the hot pot of soup with her bare hands. As a child at the time i thought it was heroic. Whenever i saw anyone use a cloth to bring down the pot of soup, i will ridicule them in my mind. Finally the day came that it was my turn. I could not wait to be like mum, so when i was offered a cloth to help protect my tiny hands from the heat of the steel pot i declined. With enthusiasm, I reached for the handle of the pot and my eyes turned red as the heat from it ran to my head. oh how it hurt me! i quickly opted for the cloth and from that time on stuck with the cloth. One day, mum left the soup in my care and i got carried away with other things, as I approached the kitchen I realized the soup had over cooked and was pouring into the fire. In my confusion I rushed for the pot and turned off the fire. it took a while for me to realize I had just dropped the pot with my bare hands and it d...

So I was thinking and this was where my thought led me. ARMY RETURNEE Dashing, spontaneous, daring, ambitious and loving, these are just a few of the many qualities Mark was till we got married. The uniform made him so dashing; I can’t wait to walk down the aisle. 10 years after, Mark is fortunate to have made it home after the war. But he is not my Mark anymore o! It must have been a traumatic experience there, because he barely eats, he is withdrawn and cold. He has nightmares each night, and barely talks to me at all. MODEL NO MORE Sonia was everything I could have wished for physically. The moment I set my eyes on her, I knew she was my wife. She was gorgeous, voluptuous figure, tall, well rounded in my ‘key’ areas (winks). The day we said ‘i do’ my joy knew no bounds. She was mine for life...waoh! A few years into our marriage we were the ‘It’ couple and i was always glad to show off my sweet trophy wife. Then one day everything changes, she is diagnosed and a cancerous growth is ...